By Alan Gauldin
“Oh, Mrs. Butters, why tormentest thou me.” One thing that seems to pop up during the latter half of seemingly every semester since I was old enough to pronounce it is the dreaded “research paper.” Notecards, outlines, bibliography cards, bibliography page, rough draft; all these elements add up to one thing: Head-ache.
One of the biggest problems that I think I have with research papers is not gathering the information, but gathering it right. Now I know that all this rigamarole is for my own good, and that if I learn to do it right, then I will probably become a better writer, which also wouldn’t hurt me, and especially, a better organizer, which also won’t hurt me but may kill me.
In high school, as I recall, there was always a set method for making the papers, but I usually managed to slip by with my own methods. Here is my step by step procedure for making a research paper.
First, I find out the deadline for the paper and how many points will be taken away for each day the paper is late. Then I see what my grade is to see what I can afford to have taken off, which usually isn’t very much.
Next comes the selection of a topic. I begin by finding what choices I have. Then I find a topic I think I can find the most information on. Simply speaking, I find the easiest topic possible, even if it is something like, “Causes and Cure of Insomnia”. With a subject like this, I could probably list the following research paper as one of the cures.
Now, I buy some notecards. I always have plenty around, but I can never find them when I have to use them. I think of everything I know about the subject and then try to find it in a book so I can put references of something that I already knew, which usually isn’t very much.
I grab a piece of paper and a pencil and head to the library. After rifling through files and indexes, I find what I’m looking for (not entirely) and proceed to use “Gauldin’s Shorthand” to make notes. One problem with this is that I sometimes have trouble reading “Gauldin’s Shorthand” when I begin my paper. Invariably, I’ll forget to write the bibliography for about half of my sources, so when writing the paper, I wind up cutting out half of it because of the lack of references.
At a later date, usually the night before the paper is due, I transfer the notecards onto note cards and bibliography cards. I put away with the formalities, and start on the paper. Believe it or not, teachers, I make a rough outline so I’ll know which direction I want to take the paper. Surprisingly, the final outline is rarely even remotely similar to the original.
Upon completion of the main body of the paper, I search all of my coat pockets to find the coat that I wore the day the paper was assigned and find the form sheet for the paper. I check to make sure I have all these little added extras, like a page between…whatever, and I insert them into my paper.
After the completion of this extremely rough draft, I type the final copy, buy or dig up a folder to put it in, pack it all away next to my billfold so I won’t forget it in the morning, heaven forbid, and settle down to what I hope will be the first good night’s sleep that I’ve had since the paper was assigned.
Oh yeah, a little prayer and an apple for the teacher never hurt anything.