By Milt Hartsell
How do you like the sound of that line just above? By Milt Hartsell! I know what’s going through your mind; you’re probably saying, “Just who in the name of H… is that guy?”
In the first place my most outstanding feature is the fact that I’m the biggest man around the campus. There are several opinions as to why I am. The psychology department would have me to believe that I am suffering from some type of complex that results in my being frustrated to the point that I’m overweight.
The science boys insinuate that my problem is correlated with the fact that my endocrine glands aren’t functioning properly, causing a malfunction in my metabolic processes. Thereby creating obesity.
The physical education department states that the problem is merely a lack of exercise. Alfred Neuman, a professor at U. Stinkum College, has the only ridiculous answer to the problem. He’s stupid enough to think that I merely eat too much.
At any rate, you’ll have very little difficulty in recognizing me as I pound around the campus. But don’t think I’m the fat, friendly type! Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been known, on occasions, to serve visiting friends a glass of stagnant water that has been strained through an old, used flyswatter.
I’m primarily a historical writer specializing in past events of Texarkana College, a job I inherited after my 18 semesters of under-graduate work here, at which time I got an old-age scholarship; but this is one time I’m going to take up a new subject.
Just watch me in the next issue.