By Gertrude John Smith, Kennel Astrology Editor
IF You are bitter toward the male gender here are some shopping hints that should be helpful.
- If it’s durable—hands off!—An ashtray or paperweight should be breakable—this gives your butter-fingered lover a possibility of developing a guilt complex early . . . especially if he drops and breaks it the next day. Ripped or frayed shirts, torn bathrobes, socks with holes are a delightful gift to the bachelor living alone—so be sure that gifts of that type are not name brand styles.
- Buy a tie that chokes! Ties are such a popular gift that they deserve a heading of their own . . . but it’s unprintable! Here the rule is to buy a many-splendored thing that doesn’t match anything he owns.
- Be sure the size isn’t accurate; mistakes make for fun. This bit of shopping advice holds
- Pick something he’s sure not to use. There are four ways to be safe when you have this in mind. (1) Ask some stranger on the street. (2) Pick something safe, like a left-handed commode lid or (an unpreserved coon hide. (3) Don’t pay any attention to hints. (4) Write to your congressman.
- Wrap it disgustedly. To stay in your nasty trend your wrapping should be in the same style. Wilted rosebuds are a must—the paper should be torn and shredded—if possible a wet dog food sack is best. One of the things to keep in mind is to style the gift with your home-made flour sack dress that he gave you on your birthday.
If you keep these five things in mind I’m sure that the days will be more miserable this year than they were last, and in this sort of quiet, restful quality what could be more relaxing than a nerve racking week during Christmas?